Uplifting Renewal

“There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage” – Martin Luther

Marriage is designed to be a joyful, friendly, and respectful partnership. It’s a God-given institution, established for companionship, mutual support, and shared purpose (Genesis 2:18-23). When both partners believe in its value and commit to it wholeheartedly, marriage can bring profound happiness.

But in reality, even the strongest unions face seasons of strain. If you feel exhausted or helpless from ongoing conflict, you’re not alone. Many people, especially within the Christian community, struggle under the pressure to “keep up appearances.” They want to avoid judgement, even when their relationship is faltering.

A healthy marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s grounded in mutual love, respect, humility, and forgiveness. It’s a daily choice to grow together, embracing both strengths and imperfections. When partners build loyalty, trust, and teamwork, they create a home that offers security, not control.

The foundation matters

A strong building needs a strong foundation. In marriage, that foundation is made of shared values, faith and commitment. If the foundation is destroyed, the relationship will falter (Psalm 11:3). Pride, selfishness, and deceit are cracks that weaken not just the marriage. Infidelity and lack of accountability also affect the family and wider community.

Background, upbringing, and family culture differences can cause friction. This is especially true in cultures where marriage involves extended family ties. It can also occur where one devalues themselves over the other. Overcoming this requires selflessness, patience, open communication and a willingness to adapt by both partners.

What marriage requires

• Tolerance & humility: Accept that no partner is perfect; extend grace when flaws show.
• Respect & equality: Never belittle your partner or make them feel inferior. Ask yourself, would I like to be spoken to or treated this way? If the answer is no, then understand that your spouse too wouldn’t like it.
• Forgiveness & patience: Overlook small irritations and work through bigger conflicts without resentment.
• Teamwork: Support each other’s roles and responsibilities, balancing strengths and weakness.
• Communication: Address issues openly before they grow into barriers.

This doesn’t mean ignoring serious problems. Tolerance does not mean enduring abuse, control or irresponsibility at the expense of your safety or well-being.

“Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether marriage or friendship, is conversation” – Oscar Wilde

When marriage becomes harmful

Marriage should be a partnership you choose to stay in, not a prison you’re trapped in. If a relationship becomes abusive, toxic, or dangerously controlling, it’s not love, it’s harm. Staying in such an environment can cause long-term damage to your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Remember, a harmful marriage can also harm children who grow up in that atmosphere.

It is a misuse of Scripture or culture to excuse abuse. Scripture calls wives to submit to their husbands. It equally commands husbands to love their wives as themselves (Ephesians 5:25). One cannot exist without the other. The ability to easily submit to a person requires trust in the other person. That trust comes from the love demonstrated. The welfare of the wife is just as much a priority as the husband’s. Any teaching that puts all responsibility on one partner is flawed. It excuses the other from accountability. This is a distortion of God’s design.

If repeated efforts like prayer, counseling, and reconciliation fail, it may be time to separate especially if living together is no longer safe or possible. We have only one life! Remember that life and safety matters more than preserving an image. As Ecclesiastes 9:4 says, “There is hope only for the living. It’s better to be a live dog than a dead lion.”

Marriage built on the right things

A lasting marriage isn’t built on wealth, status, or appearances. It’s built on character, love, loyalty, wisdom and mutual respect. Money may provide comfort, but it cannot heal emotional wounds or fix a broken connection.

Healthy couples make decisions through mutual agreement, valuing each partner’s perspective and strengths. This is why it’s important to marry a partner with similar core values as yourself. This not only helps to solve problems but strengthens the marriage for the future.

“The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration and an ever-ending portion of love and grace.” – Fawn Weaver

Marriage is a journey

Marriage is a partnership, not a one-time vow. It requires daily commitment, grace for mistakes, and constant investment in love and trust.

If you are in a healthy partnership, nurture it with care. Understand that every marriage is different because it comprises of different individuals with different needs and personalities. Don’t allow ego and expectations of others influence your choices or expectations from your spouse. If you are in a harmful partnership, remember that you matter, so protect your well-being. In both cases, seek God’s wisdom and surround yourself with a healthy supportive community.

Love deeply. Respect fully. Forgive often. However, remember forgiveness is for your freedom. It should never be at the cost of your safety or dignity.