Uplifting Renewal

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offence.” – Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

We’ve all been there—hurt, misunderstood, or treated unfairly. Maybe someone made an insensitive comment, or perhaps you were falsely accused. Offences can come from anywhere—work, home, or even social media. But the real question is: how will you respond?

Don’t let offenses steal your joy. Offences can come early in the day. Will you let them ruin the rest of it? Or if you got offended at your work place. Would you carry negative emotions from work into your home life? That’s just transferring your frustration onto others. Most importantly, if the offense is out of your control, don’t give it the power to control your happiness.

“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret – it only causes harm” – Proverbs 37:8 (NKJV)

The root of offences

The root of offences often lies in insecurity and unresolved feelings about ourselves. When someone feels hurt, insulted, or wronged, it is often because an action or comment touches on deeper, internal issues. To deal with offences sometimes requires you to understand the root cause.

Here’s a breakdown of what typically triggers offence:

• Insecurity and self-perception: People may become offended when something challenges their sense of self-worth, abilities, or identity. If someone feels inadequate or insecure in a particular area, even a minor comment can trigger strong emotional reactions.

• Unresolved emotional baggage: Past experiences, emotional wounds, or unresolved conflicts can cause heightened sensitivity. For example, if someone has been criticized repeatedly in the past, they may react strongly to a similar situation, even if it was unintentional.

• Expectations vs. reality: Offence can arise when expectations (about how people should treat us, how things should happen, etc.) aren’t met. If reality clashes with what we believe is fair or appropriate, offence may result.

• Miscommunication: Misunderstanding someone’s intent or misinterpreting their words can also lead to offence. In many cases, the offending party may not even realize they’ve caused harm.

• Pride and ego: Offence often stems from hurt pride. When one’s ego feels attacked or belittled, the natural response is to defend oneself, leading to feelings of offence.

Understanding these root causes can help you develop greater emotional resilience and manage offenses with wisdom and patience.

Practical steps to overcome offences

1. Pause and reflect: Take a deep breath before reacting. Give yourself time to process the situation rather than responding impulsively. This pause can prevent emotional outbursts and help you approach the matter rationally. Also ask yourself: is the offense worth my energy? Will reacting help or make the situation worse?

2. Seek understanding: Consider the other person’s perspective. They may not have intended to offend you. Sometimes offence arises from misunderstandings or miscommunication. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words. Do not be imprisoned by bad memories and watch your words. Ask clarifying questions. If possible, calmly approach the person and ask about their intention behind the words or actions that offended you.

3. Choose forgiveness: Let go of grudges. Understand that holding onto offence can damage your emotional well-being. Forgiveness doesn’t justify the offense but frees you from the burden of resentment. Say it out loud or in your heart: “I forgive this person for what they’ve done. I refuse to let this control me”.

4. Control your thoughts: Don’t dwell on the offence. Ruminating on what happened will only deepen the hurt. Focus on positive thoughts and actions.Challenge negative thoughts. When you feel the offense creeping back, remind yourself why it’s important to move on.

5. Address the issue, if necessary: Confront the offender respectfully. If the offence is significant and you feel it needs to be addressed, do so calmly and privately. Use “I” statements to express how you feel (e.g., “I felt hurt when…”) instead of accusatory language. Listen to their side. Give them a chance to explain themselves or apologize.

6. Manage expectations: Lower unrealistic expectations of others. Understand that people will sometimes say or do things that might hurt you, even unintentionally. You can’t control their actions, but you can control your response. Focus on what you can control. Instead of fixating on how others should behave, concentrate on your own actions and mindset.

7. Pray or meditate for peace: Seek inner peace through prayer, meditation, and mindfulness. This can help you find clarity and serenity when dealing with offences. Ask God for strength to let go of resentment and for wisdom to handle difficult situations.

8. Practice empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand why they acted the way they did. This can often lead to a greater understanding and reduce the emotional sting of the offence.

9. Guard your heart: Set boundaries for yourself. If a person repeatedly offends you, establish emotional or physical boundaries to protect yourself. Avoid toxic environments where offences are common. If certain situations or people repeatedly bring negativity into your life, it may be time to distance yourself from them.

10. Move forward: Focus on your well-being. Do something positive for yourself that helps you move on. Such as exercises, spend time with supportive friends, or engage in a hobby. Remember that healing takes time. Be patient with yourself as you work through your feelings. Growth and resilience develop over time.

Some people take delight in saying it is their nature to be easily provoked. They blow a fuse to let you know they are offended. The question is, why should you be so powerless in controlling yourself? Don’t let offences control you. The next time someone tries to upset you, remember: if offence can’t upset you, it can’t control you. Let go of the burden and reclaim your joy.

“Don’t be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head.” – Ecclesiastes 7:9 (MSG)

Shake off that offence, and live a life of peace and satisfaction!